Monday, September 29, 2014

A fresh, new start!

                   So here I've been behind my laptop for the last hour trying to figure out this blog. I have not blogged in a couple of years because I never really got into it. At that time, I was more into filming reviews and tutorials for my channel on Youtube (link is over there in my bio ---->). With many life changes, I completely fell out of the routine of beauty filming and blogging. You can kind of say I lost the passion for a while. Here's why.........

                  I was living here in the Boston area where my husband and I own a home. It was early spring 2012 and I got a call that my dad's health was declining rapidly and he probably only had a week or two tops left on this earth. We knew he wasn't quite right, but he was a stubborn, old-fashioned man. He didn't like the fuss of visiting the doctor's office. He probably only had his yearly physical because as a truck driver, it was required for his job. At this point he had retired a couple years prior. Within a 7 month period, the symptoms hit him hard. Slowing down, loss of energy, loss of appetite, very labored breathing, coughing fits, and rapid weight loss. He brushed it off as part of "getting old". We suspected cancer or at the very least some sort of respiratory disease. He was driven to the VA hospital and within a couple of days was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. He was a life long smoker and had kicked the habit months before the symptoms began. Of course I packed up mine and the kid's belongings and made the trip to Kentucky. My husband came along for a few days, but headed back to Mass to try and put the house on the market. The next week, on a Sunday, he passed away at home. As a child, you know that day is going to come eventually, but no matter what your expectations are, it doesn't fully prepare you! Cancer is a nasty beast. It doesn't discriminate age or gender. It is so incredibly painful and emotionally draining. Not only on the person who has it, but to all of that person's loved ones. I stayed in Kentucky for 2 months, things got very dramatic, and I headed back to Mass with my children. Fast forward.......

                    My relationships with some family members and even my marriage took a negative turn. Some of these relationships are still to this day unable to be mended. Some have grown stronger, including my marriage. Everything happens for some weird reason. We may not be able to wrap our heads around those reasons, but eventually, it's like "Aha!". Late this spring, my niece lost her lifelong fight with a genetic disorder called Cystic Fibrosis or CF for short. She was only 22 and left behind 2 of the cutest little boys on the planet! Needless to say, so much emotional struggle has really taken a toll. So much going on had sucked out some of the passion and creativity for Youtube, blogging, and even with my makeup line. I just did not feel like filming. Didn't feel like sitting in my work area and making eyeshadow pigments or lipsticks. What was the point? I needed to sort out how to feel whole again!

                     Fast forward to now. After having our house on the market for a very long time, we are finally selling! This means a trip back to Kentucky. It's time to settle our roots. To be with people who we love and who love us in return. It's been a struggle for a while now and its time. Time for changes, time to chase dreams...time for some real happiness! I normally don't do personal blogs for public viewing, but you know....I feel like it is part of the healing process. Maybe, someone somewhere reading this can relate in some way. We all experience loss and it feels awful! Most important, we have to cry, we have to scream it out, and we have to find a way to pick up the pieces and carry on. That's what I plan to do! Time to get this move out of the way and get back into what I love! Get my makeup line out there, film videos, blog, and work hard to open a salon of my own in the future!

                    I piddled around with my blog settings and it became so frustrating, I deleted my old blog and decided to create this one from scratch. A fresh, new start!!!

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